LACE: waiting for my window

WELL HEY! I kind of took an unintentional blogging break for a while. My apologies, dear friends. I figured when people were actually starting to tell me I needed to update my blog, it was time to provide y'all with a life update, and maybe just maybe make some more future blogging promises (don't give up on me yet). Third time's the charm right?

Anywho...prepare yourself for a lengthy post (maybe?)...I'm not sure if it will be long or short, I just feel like I have a lot of ground to cover because so much has happened in my life since November. Lots of things have happened and changed.

The last time I blogged, Thanksgiving and Christmas were drawing near. Nothing particular jumps out at me from Thanksgiving break...I remember spending time with precious friends and family visiting, catching up, Black Friday shopping, and stuffing our faces. Christmas was about the same. Instead of posting a billion pictures from those breaks and telling you everything that happened, I'm just gonna get down to business and share what's really been going on.

Doors have been shut, and my plans are on the opposite side. Things I thought for sure, without a doubt I would be doing haven't worked out.

I had been set on being a camp counselor at some point in my life since I went to a camp in elementary school. I always thought it would be something I would do. I applied to the two camps I knew the most about back in September. Certain I would be working at one of them this summer. Pouring into precious girls for a week at a time sounded like a plan to me! Camp #1 interview was in November. I was really excited about this camp. So excited at the possibility of working there. I had my interview; it was just okay. But it would surely work out if it was supposed to. I would know before Christmas if I got the job or not. I celebrated with friends who got the call and anxiously waited for mine. I would randomly check tweets with the camp name in them to see how many people had heard...pathetic right? I got the email on December 15th when I was getting ready for bed. "We do not have a position for you this summer." Bummer. But it was okay. I told those who needed to know and went to sleep. Started coming up with new plans for the summer in my head, not including Camp #2. I was bummed, but knew it wasn't the end of the world.

As the interviews for Camp #2 approached, I changed my mind and decided I would go through with the interview and see what happened. Alex was also interviewing to work there this summer. Precious friends had worked there and told me what I needed to know about everything. My excitement grew with every conversation. This was going to be it. This would be the thing I got! FINALLY! After a great interview, I was certain I would be there. Plans of traveling journals and packages were made with my best friends because we would all be going to 5 different camps. These plans unraveled on February 29th. "We are not able to offer you a job this summer." Tears overflowed as I ran into Chelsey's room. Why didn't I get this one? Why was nothing working out for me? I did not understand. I drove home from Auburn that night to have a much needed long weekend with my family. A summer at home with them might be needed, too. I'm way too close to them to be away from them for 3 months. Alex didn't get a job either. He is transferring to Alabama in the fall, and if either or both of us had gotten the job, we would have been apart for the whole summer. That probably wouldn't have been good for us when we were about to enter into a new season of separation, so it's good that we will be able to spend much needed time together before we start another season long-distance. Blessing in disguise. I had one more opportunity in the works, and it was time to wait for an answer from them...I would hear something the Friday before Spring Break.

When I dropped out of zeta, I had plans to become an RA. I felt called to use that as a ministry next year. I was excited and expectant for the Lord to work through me in the selection process and hopefully through being an RA. Over Christmas break, I was asked to live with two of my best friends next year. I was so quick to throw away a calling for comfort. The comfort of knowing where I would be living and that it would be with people I already knew was so appealing. Soon after though, I felt I needed to continue pursuing what I felt the Lord was calling me to. So, I entered myself into the RA selection process. I prayed continually for the Lord to take it away early if it wasn't His will - the cry of my selfish, anxious heart. He did not. I made it through every preliminary interview. Excitement and a sense of certainty grew with every email I received from eRezLife...until last Friday. I was standing outside my dorm talking with Chelsey and a precious new friend, Mary Elizabeth, when my phone buzzed. My heart skipped a beat when I saw where it came from. This was it. Finally some answers. I'll know if I have a place to live next year. There it was. Thanking me for my interest, but telling me I was not chosen. I was fine. I wasn't upset. So many precious friends' prayers surrounded this process. Obedience was its foundation. It was never in my hands. My God is LORD and He does not make mistakes. I found comfort in that promise. I told those that needed to know...and that's when the panic set in. Just like that I started to doubt my God. My friends had already found another roommate, and everyone else I know will be living on a sorority hall. Where will I live? This question hasn't once left my mind the past week. It hasn't been answered. I don't know when it will be answered. Yes, I am anxious. I have been fearful. There was a night when I was so angry with God for shutting all these doors. First, with the camps and now with this. I was sick of hearing everyone say that there must be something better.

But they are all right. There has to be! Because God is better. He's better than comfort. Better is ONE DAY in His courts than thousands elsewhere. Psalm 84:10. He is better and He knows. He knows and He knew. He knew I wouldn't get those jobs. He knew when I gave up living with friends that they would find another roommate. And if He knew these things, He knows where I'll be living, and it won't be in a box. He is a gracious God. His love abounds. I trusted Him through the RA process, I can't stop just because our plans weren't aligned.

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." Proverbs 19:21. What a promise! My plans are many. They are more than most people's. They are detailed and carefully designed. But the Lord has plans for me beyond my knowledge and ideas. I may live with people I know, or I may be making new friends. Either way, His purpose will stand.

Repeating that to myself constantly. "HIS PURPOSE WILL STAND, LACEY. Why are you afraid? Who are you to doubt Him? He has brought you this far. He is at your right hand, you will not be shaken." My heart may tremble, but He is quick to comfort me with His unfailing promises.

This journey is hard. This season sucks. It really does. But He will remain faithful. He will bring me to a better place than I could imagine right now. Real talk.

Thank you to friends that have been with me on this journey. Your prayers and encouragement have kept me sane and on the right path. I ask that you continue to pray for me in this season of uncertainty. Pray for opportunities to share what the Lord has done in my life. Pray that I will continue to trust Him. Pray for the window that He is surely going to open.