since the last time I blogged, my life has changed quite a bit. three days after that post, I quit zeta. I'll give y'all the spark notes version. after a lot of reflecting on my walk with the Lord, talking to my parents and friends, and praying about it a lot, I decided that being in a sorority might not be the best thing for me. I wasn't happy. I wasn't myself. I just found myself so discouraged. so I quit. I've always been the type to go with my gut with any decision. sometimes this can be a bad thing, but for this I know it was right. however, life didn't magically go back to awesome normalness after I quit..
I have never felt so lonely in my life. honestly, my situation just got worse...I had so much time on my hands. when all the girls in Keller went to their different sorority functions, I was I found myself questioning the Lord and His plan constantly. questioning why I wasn't chosen for a different sorority. why I didn't make things I tried out for. this was all new for me. through high school, I pretty much made everything I tried out for and got whatever I wanted (not in a bratty way, but you know what I mean). needless to say, this was a reality check. and I wasn't too happy about it.
you know James 1:2? "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds." this is SO not easy. it's so hard to rejoice when we're struggling. it was so hard for me to be joyful and draw near to the Lord. and honestly, I didn't even try. I was so caught up in being lonely and down I couldn't even make myself try to focus on Him. it got to the point where I felt like I couldn't even "talk-the-talk" anymore. my faith was tested over and over..and I just couldn't find the joy that I used to find in the Lord.
finally, the Lord kinda slapped me in the face. which is exactly what I needed. He showed me that He IS in control even when it feels like He couldn't be further away. I was so far from Him because I hadn't even really tried to draw near to Him. I was waiting on the Lord to act. and He was waiting on me to actually trust that He would. I HAD to put my trust in Him. not myself. not my abilities. not anyone else. the Lord emptied me of everything in my life that I thought was so great. He is the only thing great in my life. all other great things come from Him.
I am so thankful for this trial. October was the hardest month of my life, no question about it. the Lord emptied me of myself and has filled me again with Himself. I don't have it down perfect. I never will. but I am thankful that I have been through this and have the scars to prove it. they are reminders of the Lord's unfailing love and grace on someone who had to learn to let go and trust God.
LACE
Let me share with you my sweet friend a similar story. In the spring of my soph yr at Samford, I quit Delta Zeta sorority because the Lord had taken back control of my life and that was one of the necessary actions I needed to take in order to be in His will. No car and no friends for about 3 months and my family 4 hrs away... I know your desperation! I also had made a covenant with the Lord to quit picking boys I dated and let him do that. I became involved with FCA and met a really cool football guy...The rest of the story is 20 years of wedded bliss to Coach Eads! You are gonna be just fine, I know it in my heart!
ReplyDeleteLove you,
Mrs. Jamie
Lacey! Seeing your struggle well is so encouraging. I'm so sorry that October was such a hard month. Honestly, I hated my freshman year, so, even though I don't know what it's like not to be in a sorority, I do know how it feels to be lonely. I just wanted to encourage you to keep fighting for joy (like you are doing) and also tell you well done for the way you have so far. God IS good, and His grace IS sufficient. I love how willing He is to get in the dirt with us to be sure we're convinced of that. He's got you, and He's the best friend you'll ever have. I'm getting off my soapbox now, but this post was just really encouraging to me so I wanted to offer you my shout-out! Love you and praying for you. Let me know if you ever need anything!!!
ReplyDeleteIt is so refreshing to read something so honest. The journey of faith has so many different seasons and it is so amazing that each one strips us of something the Lord wants gone and replaces it with His good and perfect gifts. Time heals things. It will be neat to see what God does with your time and relationships now that your college course has changed a bit. LOVE That verse (and love how you made it look!!)
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