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Monday, January 31, 2011

so, it's been a while..

goodness gracious, I have not blogged in FOREVER!
I am so excited to share all that the Lord has been doing in my life, and trust me, He's been at work.


the first thing that comes to mind is my "spiritual hiatus" with Alex.
right around Christmas, things just didn't seem right to me. I was worrying about things I never would have worried about in normal circumstances, and I was just started to notice some things that were wrong in our relationship. I keep these thoughts and worries locked up in my head. until one night when I was eating dinner with my "little sister" Lexie, I just started rambling on about all these worries I was having, and she patiently listened. worries like "I don't know if I want to marry him one day" and "I don't know if I want to go through another semester of him being away in Auburn" etc, etc. I know that first one sounds CRAZY coming from a 17 year old. but if you know me well enough, you know that I am OBSESSED with weddings and all things that come with them. this is a problem. BIG problem. anyways, so this was always in the front of my mind throughout our whole relationship, and Alex, being the precious boy that he is, usually went along with it. SO, back to the story, after this talk with Lexie, I felt the Lord tugging on my heart. I has asked Him to show me what to do about these worries. and He was pulling me in a direction I never thought I would go. My focus was no longer on the Lord, and hadn't been for a long time. I was finding my worth in a boy. I needed to get back to my REAL first love. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that He was telling me to break up with Alex. "but why Lord? not my sweet precious Alex!" but He is faithful to answer if you ask even if it's not the answer you want. anyways..long story short : I did it. it was the most heart-breaking yet most enlightening experience of my life. Alex was so loving and understanding through the entire process, even though it was hard for him. it was so hard to distance myself from the boy I had talked to everyday for over a year! but God granted me peace! so much of that peace that surpasses all understanding! I spent the time with sweet precious best friends who had kind of fallen off of my radar. I am so thankful for those girls and the constant encouragement they provided me with (along with lots of cookies and other yummy junk food). by the next night, I was thrilled and excited to see what the Lord was going to do with my life through this break up. ironically enough, I was leaving for a trip to Orlando with my mom a few days later. I am so thankful for this trip. I got to spend so much time focusing on the Lord that I would not have been able to spend at home. by the middle of the trip, Alex and I had talked some. we told each other how we could feel God working in our lives and just how exciting it was anticipating what He had in store for us. long story short (again..sorry for the rambling!)..Alex and I went on a date when I got back and discussed everything. We were quickly back into our routine of being together constantly. but everything was so much different! it was like we were two totally different people, yet we were still the persons that the other loved dearly. where there used to be fighting, there was laughter. where normally I would have made some stupid comment about the way Alex said something, I was just grateful to have him. it's amazing how God works. we have seen it first hand and are continually growing in our relationship and our individual walks with God. we are officially back together now, and while we still have some things to work on, we are longing for God to be the absolute center of our relationship. we will celebrate our one year anniversary on February 17th :) cannot believe it.


now, second thing that comes to mind (this will be shorter I promise!)..
God is softening my heart. I've always been emotional, but it's an entirely different spectrum of emotions. I can tell everyday. it's in little things like a sweet movie ending or lunch with a friend. He is making me more thankful, more outgoing in sharing my faith, and He's breaking my heart for what breaks His. I think about Him in everything and see His presence clearly in everyday things. Tears have been flowing. Which isn't too abnormal for me, but again, it's a new kind of crying. When the little boy I babysit tells me what he knows about Jesus, when I listen to a sermon, when I'm reading my bible, when I see a homeless person. i love this new thing going on. I am SO grateful for it.


third, He has blessed me with such a precious friend to hold me accountable in everything.




what a precious friend and sister I have in Jane Elizabeth! we've been friends since freshman year. we're soul mates, pretty much. I am so thankful for and continually blessed by the time I spend the with this girl. whether it be at Panera for Friday morning Bible Study or at a Gap sale (which we may hit a little too often). she is such an encouragement and she LOVES the Lord! I love seeing God working in her life and our friendship. I love you sweet sweet Jane. thank you for being my best friend and holding me accountable :)


thanks for listening to my ramblings. I hope that somehow the story of how God has been working in my life will encourage and bless you. please continue to pray my growth and for mine and Alex's relationship. 


Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain! Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways. Psalm 119:36-37