"Hey Lacey, this isn't about you."

Last night at church, we had our Disciple Now kickoff where we find out who will be leading worship and preaching at the actual event.


Beforehand, I found myself hoping for a certain band and guessing at who the speaker might be. I realized that the band that would be playing was from within our church, and honestly, I was bitter about it.
The first song was a song I knew from Summerquest and Kid's Camp. I was immediately disappointed and consumed with the fact that some of the songs we would be singing had motions that went with them.
I leaned to my friend and said, "I can't sing this song without doing the motions." and I was not okay with that.
However, after that song they played another song I was familiar with.
Hosanna by Hillsong. It's one of my favorites. But I was still bitter.
The words "Hosanna in the highest" were leaving my mouth, and my thoughts were suddenly consumed with the fact that it didn't matter who I wanted the band to be or what songs they were going to sing.
It was as if God just whispered in my ear and said, "Hey Lacey, this isn't about you." And it most certainly is not. It's about HIM.
Soon after, we found out who would be speaking. And my guess was correct.
Graham Hill. (I know him as the Student Life guy) I had never heard him preach before, but he had talked to us about camp before. I was THRILLED that he was going to be teaching us through the weekend.
However, I had a friend that was not so thrilled. I found myself inwardly scolding her for being bitter about the speaker, when I had just been bitter about the band minutes before. I wanted so badly for her to realize what I just had. It wasn't about me, and it wasn't about her.


DNow is not about the band, the speaker, my friends, the house I'm in, or getting a free water bottle. It's about the messages that come from the band and speaker. It's about learning about God and growing closer to Him.
You'd think I would have fully grasped this by my 6th DNow...


This verse was brought to my attention following the worship service.
"For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose."  -Philippians 2:13


HIS purpose. His GOOD purpose.
He knows exactly what He's doing.
Why do I question that so often?


I am SO consumed with planning things the way I want them.
I find myself planning for my future at least once a day.
I received the quilt for my dorm room today...10 months ahead of time.
I have every detail of my future wedding planned out...even the groom.
I was discussing this with a friend the other day.
She stopped me and said, "Well okay, Lace. And what about God's plan?"
Talk about an eye-opener..
In my mind, all of my plans seem perfect. But there's a problems there.
They're MY plans. My life doesn't go according to my plans.
It goes according to His. And maybe His plans are in sync with mine, but that shouldn't matter. They are His plans FOR me. Not my plans WITH Him.


Of course, this stresses me out.
I wish I wasn't a perfectionist.
I wish I wasn't a control freak.
I wish I could easily give everything to God.


We sang a song last night that said, "I'm restless until I rest in You."
This is so true for me.


I was so encouraged by the fact that God was pretty much throwing what I needed to know in my face. He'll do it if you ask Him.

I continue to pray for peace and willingness to give up control.
I want to value God's presence more than the things of this world.
In the words of Graham Hill, I want to have spiritual obesity.
And to feast on God's word like it's my favorite food.

Lessons Learned (and still learning)

I've been going back and forth about blogging lately.
I ask myself, "Do people really want to read what I think?"
But so what if they don't? It's therapeutic.
I'm really excited about this..so here it goes!


God has taught me SO much this school year.
He's taught me to rely on Him because He's really all that I need.
He's taught me to cherish those He's placed in my life.
He's taught me to love others the way He loves me.
And He's still teaching me how to not worry and let Him have control.


Relying on Him:
I depend on many things to get me through the day.
In the morning, I depend on Diet Coke to wake me up and get me going.
During the day, I depend on my friends to walk and talk with me.
At home, I depend on my parents for SO many things.
But I wasn't really dependent on God.
I wasn't relying on Him to get me through the day.
I thought I was relying on Him enough. But I was just settling for mediocrity.
Diet Coke is not the only thing I rely on in the mornings now.
I crave the 5 minutes I spend reading my Bible before 1st period.
My discipleship group is reading a Psalm a day to get us on the track to real commitment and dedication to spending time with God daily.
Today, I read Psalm 18. "The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." (v.2)
I feel myself growing more dependent on God everyday, and I love it.


Cherishing and Loving People:
I am surrounded by people that love the Lord.
From my friends to my parents to adults within my church.
I am so blessed to have people to talk to that share my beliefs.
They give me perspectives that I don't always see.
I am so thankful for those perspectives.
God is showing me how to love people that aren't always so lovable.
Being a brutally honest control freak, I don't always handle situations well.
It's so easy for me to be mean when someone says or does something stupid.
Even more so in situations that I am in control of.
In yearbook for example, I have to constantly remind myself that I've been on staff for three years, while everyone else has been on it for 2 months.
So when they don't know how to make a senior ad or upload pictures, (even though that's easy for me) I still have to respond and teach them with love.
I'm learning to filter my thoughts and reactions.
After all, we're called to love everyone. Even if they can't make a senior ad.


Giving up:
I want to be in control of everything.
Sometimes this is good. When noone else wants to make homecoming plans, I gladly assume that position. But when people want to help me make homecoming plans, I can't handle it. Which is bad.
God's tugging at my desire for control, and though it's hard, I'm letting Him.
When I feel out of control, I worry.
Not just your typical worry, BIG TIME worry.
My worry might start out being about a simple math quiz, but at the end of the day, I'm worrying about every little thing. When I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING. Many can vouche for this.
And when I hit rock bottom, all I can do is pray and give it to God.
I pray constantly for peace. That peace that surpasses all understanding.
Peace in giving up control. Peace of mind when all I can do is worry.
Peace when I don't feel like being peaceful at all.


Like I said, I'm still in the process of learning that last topic.
I shouldn't have to hit rock bottom in order to let go of things that are out of my control. Pray as God continues to teach me.


Well, this has been fun. And super encouraging.
I hope I didn't just rant.
And even if I did, maybe my ranting has encouraged you as well.