scatterbrained blog post

hmm. this is going to be all over the place. I have a few little things to talk about.

number 1: oh my goodness gracious..I am about to graduate from high school.
I don't know how exactly to feel about it. and my feelings towards college change frequently. this week I'm scared and resistant..I wrote move in day on my calendar the other day and got nauseous. it's a good thing I was in class or I would have broken down crying. I'm a baby. I'm not supposed to almost be 18. I don't want to leave my home or my family. (I apologize for my nervous tantrum) Some weeks I'm excited and ready to be in Auburn..but those are rare. There is an good part though, I have drawn very close to my sweet family. I am so very thankful that my desire is to be with them through this transition. I find myself dying to go see my dad in his office during the day and wishing I was with my momma. Oh, how I will miss the days when I could drop by and see my daddy during the middle of the day. Also, I finished my last yearbook today..how weird. I have devoted so much of my time in the last 3 years to this book (or 3 of them). And today was my last deadline..ever. PRAISE THE LORD that this weight is off of my shoulders! there will be no more deadline day stress, no more being the last person in the school parking lot after a late night, no more stress-induced rants on my sweet staff. as much as I'm glad these things will never happen again, I will miss it so much. I hold 3 600 page books in my heart. my life will be weird without the good ole Caravel in it. it's such a strange feeling, this getting ready to go to college thing. and I can't seem to get past it. poor Alex keeps reminding me that graduation is so close, and he's so excited for me to be in Auburn with him--and I'm eagerly awaiting being with him again--the graduating and leaving Hoover part..not so much. I am praying constantly for God to prepare my heart for this transition and sweet new season in my life. and He surely will in His time! I'm so thankful for His plan.

number 2: so blessed to be a blessing!
as you know, Alex and I have spent this school year apart. Him being in Auburn, Me in Hoover. it's had it's ups and downs..ehhh. mostly downs. haha. anywho, we have some sweet friends who are about to enter into exactly what we did. and last weekend at prom, we got to talking with them about everything. it was such a sweet time for Alex and me to share our hearts with this couple. it made me realize just how much this year of separation has taught me. it's taught me patience, to love and to respect, and over all, it's taught us so much about each other and how we love and need to be loved. anyways, it was so encouraging for us to talk to them and let them know how things are done. we're pretty much pros at it with only ONE month left! YAY! they are such sweet friends and we are SO thankful for their friendship and their relationship with each other. we are praying for them as they enter into this and we're confident that they will probably do better than we did. hopefully they'll have a few less bumps in the road :) I am so glad that my experience got to help someone else. it was such a blessing :)

number 3: the Lord's sense of humor
God thinks He's really funny. some people don't seem to get it when I talk about this. but I know my Jane does. A few weeks ago, we were getting ready for her to go to South Africa for Spring Break..as we were praying, I said something that was from a song..I don't remember now but I believe it was something along the line of "until the whole world hears". this caused us to bust out laughing. and we got to talking about the Lord's sense of humor. so, this morning, I was running extra super late..and still had to print out a paper--I hadn't given God any thought yet this morning, by the way--anyways, so I hit print and, of course, my printer decides to jam. so I start freaking out and getting frustrated and stomped into the kitchen..as I paused to grab something, I could hear the printer printing normally and I walked in and there was my paper. And I just died out laughing. what a sweet reminder that God is bigger than my plans! one of my favorite songs right now is "This is the Stuff" by Francesca Battistelli. my favorite line is "in the middle of my little mess, I forget how big I'm blessed". what truth! I need to put this where I can see it multiple times, every single day. Maybe I'll paint it, sew it on a pillow, write it on a sticky note and put it on my forehead. ha :) anyways. He is always faithful..how quick I am to forget that! sometimes all we need is a quick paper jam to remind us :)

I feel like I had much more to say, but my memory is failing me.

please pray for me as I prepare for this new season in my life. it's a sweet and exciting time. pray that I come to enjoy it. pray for Alex and me through this last month of separation, and pray for our sweet friends and their approaching journey.

"I bless the LORD who gives me counsel;
in the night also my heart instructs me.
I have set the LORD always before me;
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let your holy one see corruption.
You make known to me the path of life
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

Psalm 16:7-11

Oh, how He loves us!

Hopefully this will be a short one..because I'm tired. and its 1 o'clock the morning.
but I am in desperate need to write what is on my heart.

I have found myself completely overwhelmed lately just thinking about the Father's deep love for me. I guess it's something I've never fully grasped. Now, I find myself weeping through every song, verse, and thought of it.

He loves me so much more than anyone ever could.
He loves me more than my parents can love me.
More than Alex could love me or I could love Him.
More than my friends could.
More than I can love being crafty, spending time with friends and family, diet coke, or paper boutiques (and if you know me, you know that those are my favorite things)

How is this?!
I will never fully understand how He could love us so much to send his son to DIE.

I love children. I'm going to be an elementary teacher. I spend a good bit of my time thinking about my future family and the houseful of sweet babies I hope to have one day. They don't even exist. and I can't imagine giving them up. Yet our Father gave up His ONLY son.

okay..I know we all learned this in Sunday school when we were four.
but really..I can't wrap my brain around someone giving their life for me. I never had until quite recently. it is a painfully sweet realization.

His love is unfailing. satisfying. unconditional. relentless. never changing. deep. steadfast. redeeming. perfect. there are so many I'm not saying. partially because there are SO many, and partially because it's 1:43 and my brain slowly shutting down. which means I should probably end this..there may be more later.

I am so thankful for the love of my Father. I am glad that my heart is His. He makes me beautiful and loved. He is jealous for me and desires my love in return for His. Wow. Overwhelmed.

"Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus,
Vast unmeasured, boundless, free!
Rolling as a mighty ocean in its fullness over me!
Underneath me, all around me, is the current of Thy love
Leading onward, leading homeward to thy glorious rest above!

Oh the deep, deep love
All I need and trust
Is the deep, deep love of Jesus!

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus,
Spread His praise from shore to shore!
How He came and paid our ransom through the saving cross He bore.
How He watches o'er His loved ones, died to call them all His own,
How for them He's interceding, pleading now before the throne!

Oh the deep, deep love
All I need and trust
Is the deep, deep love of Jesus!

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus,
Far surpassing all the rest
It's an ocean full of blessing in the midst of every test!
Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus,
Might savior, precious friend!
You will bring us home to glory where your love will never end!

Oh the deep, deep love
All I need and trust
Is the deep, deep love of Jesus!"

(Oh the Deep, Deep Love - Sovereign Grace Music)
(first song on my playlist at the bottom)

Lord, all I need is your love. Let it fill and satisfy me. Let my heart be after you and your will alone.