goodness gracious, I have not blogged in FOREVER!
I am so excited to share all that the Lord has been doing in my life, and trust me, He's been at work.
the first thing that comes to mind is my "spiritual hiatus" with Alex.
right around Christmas, things just didn't seem right to me. I was worrying about things I never would have worried about in normal circumstances, and I was just started to notice some things that were wrong in our relationship. I keep these thoughts and worries locked up in my head. until one night when I was eating dinner with my "little sister" Lexie, I just started rambling on about all these worries I was having, and she patiently listened. worries like "I don't know if I want to marry him one day" and "I don't know if I want to go through another semester of him being away in Auburn" etc, etc. I know that first one sounds CRAZY coming from a 17 year old. but if you know me well enough, you know that I am OBSESSED with weddings and all things that come with them. this is a problem. BIG problem. anyways, so this was always in the front of my mind throughout our whole relationship, and Alex, being the precious boy that he is, usually went along with it. SO, back to the story, after this talk with Lexie, I felt the Lord tugging on my heart. I has asked Him to show me what to do about these worries. and He was pulling me in a direction I never thought I would go. My focus was no longer on the Lord, and hadn't been for a long time. I was finding my worth in a boy. I needed to get back to my REAL first love. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that He was telling me to break up with Alex. "but why Lord? not my sweet precious Alex!" but He is faithful to answer if you ask even if it's not the answer you want. anyways..long story short : I did it. it was the most heart-breaking yet most enlightening experience of my life. Alex was so loving and understanding through the entire process, even though it was hard for him. it was so hard to distance myself from the boy I had talked to everyday for over a year! but God granted me peace! so much of that peace that surpasses all understanding! I spent the time with sweet precious best friends who had kind of fallen off of my radar. I am so thankful for those girls and the constant encouragement they provided me with (along with lots of cookies and other yummy junk food). by the next night, I was thrilled and excited to see what the Lord was going to do with my life through this break up. ironically enough, I was leaving for a trip to Orlando with my mom a few days later. I am so thankful for this trip. I got to spend so much time focusing on the Lord that I would not have been able to spend at home. by the middle of the trip, Alex and I had talked some. we told each other how we could feel God working in our lives and just how exciting it was anticipating what He had in store for us. long story short (again..sorry for the rambling!)..Alex and I went on a date when I got back and discussed everything. We were quickly back into our routine of being together constantly. but everything was so much different! it was like we were two totally different people, yet we were still the persons that the other loved dearly. where there used to be fighting, there was laughter. where normally I would have made some stupid comment about the way Alex said something, I was just grateful to have him. it's amazing how God works. we have seen it first hand and are continually growing in our relationship and our individual walks with God. we are officially back together now, and while we still have some things to work on, we are longing for God to be the absolute center of our relationship. we will celebrate our one year anniversary on February 17th :) cannot believe it.
now, second thing that comes to mind (this will be shorter I promise!)..
God is softening my heart. I've always been emotional, but it's an entirely different spectrum of emotions. I can tell everyday. it's in little things like a sweet movie ending or lunch with a friend. He is making me more thankful, more outgoing in sharing my faith, and He's breaking my heart for what breaks His. I think about Him in everything and see His presence clearly in everyday things. Tears have been flowing. Which isn't too abnormal for me, but again, it's a new kind of crying. When the little boy I babysit tells me what he knows about Jesus, when I listen to a sermon, when I'm reading my bible, when I see a homeless person. i love this new thing going on. I am SO grateful for it.
third, He has blessed me with such a precious friend to hold me accountable in everything.
what a precious friend and sister I have in Jane Elizabeth! we've been friends since freshman year. we're soul mates, pretty much. I am so thankful for and continually blessed by the time I spend the with this girl. whether it be at Panera for Friday morning Bible Study or at a Gap sale (which we may hit a little too often). she is such an encouragement and she LOVES the Lord! I love seeing God working in her life and our friendship. I love you sweet sweet Jane. thank you for being my best friend and holding me accountable :)
thanks for listening to my ramblings. I hope that somehow the story of how God has been working in my life will encourage and bless you. please continue to pray my growth and for mine and Alex's relationship.
Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain! Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways. Psalm 119:36-37
Recently the Lord has shown me how truly blessed I am.
He has given me so much, and I take it for granted.
I am surrounded by precious Jesus-loving friends who encourage me and hold me accountable. I have an amazing boyfriend who loves God more than he could ever love me and makes sure that God is always in the center of our relationship. and I am so thankful that I have wonderful Christian parents (who are more like two of my best friends) that have raised me right.
It's so cliche to say that I'm so fortunate to live in America. but REALLY. At girl's retreat, we learned about different countries and the things that young girls go through. I could never even fathom being in a place where I didn't know about Jesus, much less a place where I could be sold into prostitution before I was even a teenager. I am so thankful for my church and my youth ministry and the people who make it all happen.
I have been trying to focus more on the ways that God has blessed me and He has surely shown me. Today, I went to lunch with some friends and we got to talk about our beliefs and missions and all kinds of things that just don't come up in typical conversations because we're too busy gossipping or speaking of things that do not bring glory to God. It was such a sweet time to share with these sisters. I am so thankful for them and that God has strategically placed them in my life. I can't imagine not being with some of them in just a few short months :( scary thought..let's put that one away for a while.
I've seen God's hand on everything lately, and it's just another blessing. I see it on me. I see it on my relationships. I see it guiding me through my day. I even see it when I don't want to see it. When all I want to do is be selfish and worry about how I want things to go, God shows me how He wants it to go. How could I ever disregard His plan for me when I know that nothing could ever be more perfect? Psalm 46:10 has been on my heart lately. "Be still and know that I am God." Sometimes I forget about the most common verses that I've known my entire life, but they're usually the exact message I need. We never take to time be still and listen to God. I've prayed for God to slow down my increasingly busy life so that I can take time to be still and listen for His gentle whisper.
Psalm 25
To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul. O my God, in you I trust; let me not be put to shame; let not my enemies exult over me. Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame; they share be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.
Make me to know you ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.
Remember your mercy, O Lord, and your steadfast love, for they have been from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O Lord!
Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in the way. He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way. All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.
For your name's sake, O Lord, pardon my guilt, for it is great. Who is the man who fears the Lord? Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose. His soul shall abide in well-being, and his offspring shall inherit the land. The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he make known to them his covenant. My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for he will pluck my feet out of the net.
Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins.
Consider how many are my foes, and with what violent hatred they hate me. Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me! Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for you.
Lord, that is my prayer. Let me be satisfied in your steadfast love. Do remember me and my stresses. Help me give them to you, God. I pray that you open my eyes even more to see how you have blessed me. Show me the needs of others around me and how to live and love like you and for you more each and every day. Thank you for making your presence even more prevalent in my life lately. I can't wait to see you even more.
Amen.
If you are unaware of how blessed you are, I encourage you to take a little while to think about what God has given you. It is truly earth-shattering.
Last night at church, we had our Disciple Now kickoff where we find out who will be leading worship and preaching at the actual event.
Beforehand, I found myself hoping for a certain band and guessing at who the speaker might be. I realized that the band that would be playing was from within our church, and honestly, I was bitter about it.
The first song was a song I knew from Summerquest and Kid's Camp. I was immediately disappointed and consumed with the fact that some of the songs we would be singing had motions that went with them.
I leaned to my friend and said, "I can't sing this song without doing the motions." and I was not okay with that.
However, after that song they played another song I was familiar with.
Hosanna by Hillsong. It's one of my favorites. But I was still bitter.
The words "Hosanna in the highest" were leaving my mouth, and my thoughts were suddenly consumed with the fact that it didn't matter who I wanted the band to be or what songs they were going to sing.
It was as if God just whispered in my ear and said, "Hey Lacey, this isn't about you." And it most certainly is not. It's about HIM.
Soon after, we found out who would be speaking. And my guess was correct.
Graham Hill. (I know him as the Student Life guy) I had never heard him preach before, but he had talked to us about camp before. I was THRILLED that he was going to be teaching us through the weekend.
However, I had a friend that was not so thrilled. I found myself inwardly scolding her for being bitter about the speaker, when I had just been bitter about the band minutes before. I wanted so badly for her to realize what I just had. It wasn't about me, and it wasn't about her.
DNow is not about the band, the speaker, my friends, the house I'm in, or getting a free water bottle. It's about the messages that come from the band and speaker. It's about learning about God and growing closer to Him.
You'd think I would have fully grasped this by my 6th DNow...
This verse was brought to my attention following the worship service.
"For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." -Philippians 2:13
HIS purpose. His GOOD purpose.
He knows exactly what He's doing.
Why do I question that so often?
I am SO consumed with planning things the way I want them.
I find myself planning for my future at least once a day.
I received the quilt for my dorm room today...10 months ahead of time.
I have every detail of my future wedding planned out...even the groom.
I was discussing this with a friend the other day.
She stopped me and said, "Well okay, Lace. And what about God's plan?"
Talk about an eye-opener..
In my mind, all of my plans seem perfect. But there's a problems there.
They're MY plans. My life doesn't go according to my plans.
It goes according to His. And maybe His plans are in sync with mine, but that shouldn't matter. They are His plans FOR me. Not my plans WITH Him.
Of course, this stresses me out.
I wish I wasn't a perfectionist.
I wish I wasn't a control freak.
I wish I could easily give everything to God.
We sang a song last night that said, "I'm restless until I rest in You."
This is so true for me.
I was so encouraged by the fact that God was pretty much throwing what I needed to know in my face. He'll do it if you ask Him.
I continue to pray for peace and willingness to give up control.
I want to value God's presence more than the things of this world.
In the words of Graham Hill, I want to have spiritual obesity.
And to feast on God's word like it's my favorite food.
I've been going back and forth about blogging lately.
I ask myself, "Do people really want to read what I think?"
But so what if they don't? It's therapeutic.
I'm really excited about this..so here it goes!
God has taught me SO much this school year.
He's taught me to rely on Him because He's really all that I need.
He's taught me to cherish those He's placed in my life.
He's taught me to love others the way He loves me.
And He's still teaching me how to not worry and let Him have control.
Relying on Him:
I depend on many things to get me through the day.
In the morning, I depend on Diet Coke to wake me up and get me going.
During the day, I depend on my friends to walk and talk with me.
At home, I depend on my parents for SO many things.
But I wasn't really dependent on God.
I wasn't relying on Him to get me through the day.
I thought I was relying on Him enough. But I was just settling for mediocrity.
Diet Coke is not the only thing I rely on in the mornings now.
I crave the 5 minutes I spend reading my Bible before 1st period.
My discipleship group is reading a Psalm a day to get us on the track to real commitment and dedication to spending time with God daily.
Today, I read Psalm 18. "The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." (v.2)
I feel myself growing more dependent on God everyday, and I love it.
Cherishing and Loving People:
I am surrounded by people that love the Lord.
From my friends to my parents to adults within my church.
I am so blessed to have people to talk to that share my beliefs.
They give me perspectives that I don't always see.
I am so thankful for those perspectives.
God is showing me how to love people that aren't always so lovable.
Being a brutally honest control freak, I don't always handle situations well.
It's so easy for me to be mean when someone says or does something stupid.
Even more so in situations that I am in control of.
In yearbook for example, I have to constantly remind myself that I've been on staff for three years, while everyone else has been on it for 2 months.
So when they don't know how to make a senior ad or upload pictures, (even though that's easy for me) I still have to respond and teach them with love.
I'm learning to filter my thoughts and reactions.
After all, we're called to love everyone. Even if they can't make a senior ad.
Giving up:
I want to be in control of everything.
Sometimes this is good. When noone else wants to make homecoming plans, I gladly assume that position. But when people want to help me make homecoming plans, I can't handle it. Which is bad.
God's tugging at my desire for control, and though it's hard, I'm letting Him.
When I feel out of control, I worry.
Not just your typical worry, BIG TIME worry.
My worry might start out being about a simple math quiz, but at the end of the day, I'm worrying about every little thing. When I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING. Many can vouche for this.
And when I hit rock bottom, all I can do is pray and give it to God.
I pray constantly for peace. That peace that surpasses all understanding.
Peace in giving up control. Peace of mind when all I can do is worry.
Peace when I don't feel like being peaceful at all.
Like I said, I'm still in the process of learning that last topic.
I shouldn't have to hit rock bottom in order to let go of things that are out of my control. Pray as God continues to teach me.
Well, this has been fun. And super encouraging.
I hope I didn't just rant.
And even if I did, maybe my ranting has encouraged you as well.
